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Introduction
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Practically
nobody looks forward to going to their first AA meeting. In most
cases this in fact is an occasion of extreme shame, dread and despair.
The majority of individuals going to AA for the first time are doing so
reluctantly, either because they have promised someone else to go or
because they have been directed to attend by a judge, an employer, a
therapist or an addictions treatment program. Even first timers who "go
on their own" are usually in an intensely ambivalent and negative state.
Nobody wishes to require the help that is provided by AA, and as a
result virtually everyone attending their first meeting wishes that they
were someplace else doing something else.
It is in fact an
act of great courage to walk into an AA meeting for the first time. Many
people with severe drinking problems simply lack the courage to take
this first step under any circumstances. They commonly hide their fear
by critical, often cynical remarks about AA and the people who do have
the courage to attend. They may indulge themselves with elaborate
philosophical, scientific and even political rationalizations for why
they will never attend a single AA meeting. But at bottom they are
simply too afraid to walk through the door. Still worse: they are unable
or unwilling to be honest with themselves and others about their real
feelings and hence continue to cloak their fear behind irrelevant and
insincere theoretical objections.
The obvious and
best solution to the problem of the normal anxiety and discomfort that
are associated with attending one's first AA meeting is to go to the
meeting with someone who knows the ropes. If no friend or acquaintance
who happens to be an AA member is available, contact can always be
arranged by calling the local AA Central Office and asking for a
volunteer to telephone one. Although many people avail themselves of
such measures to reduce the stress of their first AA meeting, many
others find such logical preliminaries themselves too frightening and
therefore do not follow them. It is principally to this last group, to
those solitary and always frightened and confused "first timers," that
this brief introduction is oriented.
Although there is
a great deal of information about AA available on the web and in
traditional print, there is surprisingly little to be found that deals
with the practical concerns and fears of the individual who is attending
or thinking of attending a meeting for the first time. The result is
sometimes a kind of "culture shock" which takes place when the newcomer
attends and is temporarily overwhelmed by the newness and strangeness of
the experience. Even worse, people who seriously consider attending an
AA meeting may decide not to do so because of the natural human fear of
the unknown.
This guide is neither an official one nor affiliated in any way with AA
itself. It represents merely one person's attempt to describe some of
the common features of AA meetings. There will be many individual
variations and exceptions to this or to any other relatively brief
attempt to sketch the principal outlines and common experiences in a
program as diverse and unregulated as AA. The best way to regard what
follows is as one of those primitive and only half-correct maps drawn by
the early geographers. Not everything in such maps is correct, and much
that is important is omitted. But in favorable cases the map does serve
as a rough guide to the territory to be explored, and provides at least
some major landmarks by which the traveler may hope to orient and guide
himself in his own explorations of the terrain.
An excellent
source of "official" AA information is available at the
Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Web Site.
Anyone curious about AA and contemplating going to their first meeting
should read the brief descriptive information available there, including
the following:
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A Newcomer Asks
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Is AA For You?
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44 Questions and Answers About AA
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AA Fact File
Those seriously
interested in this topic are advised to read
The Addict's Dilemma,
Addiction, Lies and Relationships,
Excuses Alcoholics Make, and
Resistances to AA Attendance for
more information.
Locating a meeting
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There is a famous
old English recipe for ox tail stew that begins "First, kill an ox." The
first step in attending one's first AA meeting is to locate a meeting to
attend. The best way to do this is to have or ask for a specific
recommendation from someone who is familiar with both the prospective
attendee and the meeting in question. Most cities have what are called
"Central Offices" for AA that are listed in the local phone book under
"Alcoholics Anonymous." Mental health facilities and hospitals usually
have a current directory of meetings or a contact number. And the
internet is an excellent resource for locating meetings anywhere in the
world.
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/ectroff.html lists
Central Offices by state.
http://alcoholism.miningco.com/health/alcoholism/msubmeetaa.htm
lists on-line AA meetings, mailing lists, and also face-to-face meetings
by state.
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/econtent.html is the
web address for Alcoholics Anonymous. This site provides much useful
introductory information, including the database of Central Offices just
described.
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/em24doc1.html is an
"AA Fact File" that answers many questions newcomers usually have.
Types of AA Meetings
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Meetings can be
categorized by their topic and format, who attends them, and the
facilities in which they are held. It is also useful to consider the
unofficial distinctions of small versus large meetings and smoking
versus non-smoking.
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Open versus
closed
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Mixed, men
only, women only, young peoples'
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Speaker, Big
Book, Step Study or Discussion
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Clubhouse or
church
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Small or
large
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Smoking
versus non-smoking
Meetings may be
"Open" (to anyone) or "Closed" (for alcoholics only). Many groups pay no
attention to this distinction, and it is not uncommon for regular
participants in a meeting to be uncertain whether their meeting is
officially open or closed. Family and friends of the alcoholic, along
with observers and students of various kinds are welcome at the open
meetings. Closed meetings are reserved for those who consider themselves
to be alcoholics or who are investigating that possibility for
themselves. Newcomers are always welcome at closed meetings regardless
of whether they have made up their minds about themselves.
Meetings may be "mixed"
(male
and female), men only, or women only. Meeting schedules indicate by
codes (usually MO or WO) if a meeting is restricted.
AA meetings are
also characterized according to their format:
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Discussion
meetings
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Big Book Study
meetings
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Step Study
meetings
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Speaker meetings
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Discussion meetings
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The discussion
leader introduces a topic with some brief comments and then throws
the meeting open, recognizing those who indicate their desire to
share by raising their hands.
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Those who raise
their hands and are recognized by the discussion leader normally
introduce themselves by saying "My name is so-and-so and I am an
alcoholic." Some people say "I am a grateful recovering alcoholic,"
"I am powerless over alcohol," or some other variation. Although it
is generally expected, it is not required that those who wish to
share identify themselves as being alcoholic.
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Sharing usually
begins with some reference to the topic mentioned by the discussion
leader or to comments by a previous speaker, but each member who
speaks is free to change the subject or to introduce an entirely new
topic if they need to do so. It is expected that anyone having a
particularly hard time, especially if they are thinking seriously
about drinking, will bring this up regardless of whatever the
original topic or subsequent comments may have been.
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Certain
conventions guide the content and format of sharing in meetings,
although these may be and sometimes are ignored. They include:
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Length around
3 minutes or less.
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Personal
experience, feelings, struggles valued over opinions, theory.
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Avoidance of
direct advice and "cross talk," i.e. telling another member what
to think or how to behave.
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Some relation
to alcohol or to conflicts in living that can be related to the
Twelve Steps.
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In general a
"single share" convention is followed in which no member speaks
at length more than once during a given meeting, although
exceptions to this are not uncommon depending upon the group and
circumstances.
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Identification and empathy with the experiences of others who
have shared. This is expressed by sharing one's own personal
experiences of a similar nature.
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Occasionally the
meeting "goes around the room" and everyone has the opportunity to
speak if desired, or the discussion leader may call on individual
members and invite them to share. Those who do not wish to speak
simply say "Thanks, I'll pass" or "I'll just listen tonight." This
is always accepted and pressure is never exerted to speak.
b. Meetings
usually wrap up on time and are closed in a manner chosen by the
particular group. A basket is usually passed around the room for
voluntary contributions to defray expenses. No contribution is required,
and first-timers are often advised not to contribute. The usual donation
is one dollar. It is common for the chairperson to read or remind
everyone of the Twelfth Tradition (the principle of anonymity) and to
invite the group to stand, join hands in a circle, and recite the Lord's
Prayer or the Serenity Prayer.
Big Book and Step Study Meetings
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These meetings
are devoted to the study of the
"Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous"
or to the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions"("12 and 12")
written by Bill Wilson, a co-founder of AA. Participants commonly
bring their own copy of the appropriate book, but there are usually
extra copies available at the meeting for those who did not bring a
copy.
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The typical
meeting will involve reading some portion of the "Big Book" or the
"Twelve and Twelve" and then commenting upon it from the individual
member's experience and perspective. The discussion leader may read
a selected passage and then invite comments, or members may take
turns reading a paragraph or two from a chosen section of the work,
followed by a general discussion of the topics covered.
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As in the
discussion meeting, sharing that consists of personal experience and
applications of the text is valued over purely theoretical and
impersonal analysis.
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Also as in the
discussion meeting, "cross talk" is kept to a minimum. The usual
etiquette is for members to remain silent until the speaker has
finished.
Speaker meetings
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A speaker is
selected in advance who agrees to "tell their story" of drinking and
recovery to the group. Speakers are usually those with a year or
more of sobriety who have previously been asked and agreed to talk.
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A common format
is to devote the entire meeting after the usual opening readings to
the speaker's story. When the story is finished the meeting is
wrapped up without formal discussion.
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Some meetings are
combined "speaker-discussion meetings" in which a chosen speaker
talks for a quarter or a half an hour, followed by a group
discussion of the themes raised in accordance with the usual
conventions of a discussion meeting.
Clubhouse and Church Meetings
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AA Clubhouses are sites specifically
dedicated to AA meetings and usually have a wide variety of meetings
every day, often at all hours of the day. Clubhouses may be freestanding
buildings or rented space in other buildings. "Clubhouse meetings"
typically include a wide spectrum of recovering alcoholics from still
drinking to recently relapsed to decades of continuous sobriety. There
are usually meetings in all of the above formats (open, closed, mixed,
men, women, discussion, Big Book, Step Study, speaker, Young Peoples'
&etc.). Often there are special beginner's or "First Step" meetings that
are attended both by newcomers and those who have been sober a long
time. Clubhouse meetings tend to be larger than church meetings – though
this is not always the case.
Church meetings are held on the
premises of various local churches by special arrangement with the
congregation, usually including a nominal rent payment from collections
taken up by the AA group at the end of each meeting. The meetings are
not affiliated with the church in any way but simply reflect a tradition
in which churches have provided AA with space to hold its meetings.
Church meetings
tend to be smaller than Clubhouse meetings, though this is not always
the case. Meetings are held wherever space is available – though seldom
in the sanctuary or chapel.
Meeting size varies from small to
large wherever the meeting may be held and regardless of the specific
format (discussion, Big Book, Step Study, speaker) and who attends
(mixed,
men, women, young people &etc.). "Small" usually refers to meetings of
fifteen or less members while "large" can mean thirty, forty, fifty or
more people.
Smoking
and nonsmoking meetings
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. The "smoke
filled room" of AA tradition was a definite reality but is now becoming
a thing of the past as more and more meetings become nonsmoking only.
Smokers still congregate outside the meeting before, during and after it
is held – but meetings in which smoking is permitted inside are becoming
rare.
The Diversity of AA Groups
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No two AA groups
are alike. There is an enormous diversity among groups reflecting unique
features of the particular group and the individuals who constitute it.
AA's Fourth Tradition states that "Each group should be autonomous
except in matters affecting other groups or AA as a whole." This is not
just empty talk, as anyone who has sampled the wide variety of AA
meetings knows well. There is a tremendous kaleidoscopic variation of
emphasis, emotional tone, meeting philosophy, readings and ritual, and
informal group norms from one group to another. This seems to be one of
AA's "secrets of success" and guarantees that when there are enough
groups to choose from, a newcomer will be able to find something that
closely matches his needs if only he is willing to look. Though all are
welcome, groups generally tend to mirror the socioeconomic and ethnic
characteristics of the neighborhoods in which they meet. Exceptions,
however, abound. Perhaps nowhere in modern society are as much genuine
democracy and class and status-less affiliation of equals to be found as
in the typical AA meeting.
Rituals and Readings: What Goes on at a typical AA
Meeting
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AA meetings vary
considerably in their particular readings and rituals from place to
place, even within the same general geographic location. Each meeting
has its own style of opening and closing.
A common
sequence (there are many variations) in the southeastern United States
is:
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Meeting called to
order by volunteer chairperson.
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Chairperson reads
"AA Preamble," leads group in
Serenity Prayer.
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Reading of
"How it Works," the
"Twelve Traditions" and
"The Promises," often by members
who were asked before the meeting to do so.
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Chairperson asks
if there are any newcomers or people attending that particular
meeting for the first time who care to introduce themselves by their
first name. (This is completely optional and may be ignored by
newcomers if desired, although it is obviously a good idea to
introduce oneself in order for others to begin to get to know him.)
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AA-related
announcements.
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The meeting
itself, whether discussion, Big Book Study, Step Study or speaker.
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Conclusion of
meeting proper.
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Chips handed out
for length of sobriety(in SE US). Voluntary.
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"Pass the basket"
for optional one dollar donation.
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Statement of
Twelfth Tradition.
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Lord's Prayer,
usually said standing in a circle, heads bowed, holding hands. Some
groups close with Serenity Prayer.
The Problem of Fear
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Regardless of the
type, size or location of their first AA meeting, newcomers face a
predictable series of challenges that must be overcome in order to begin
to benefit from AA. By far the greatest problem most individuals
experience when beginning AA is how to deal with their fear.
Fear is the
great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious
addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and
guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away
from what is good for him (for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and
toward what is bad for him (isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even
when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his
addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin
leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt
and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his
hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary
for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse
into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern
many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not
yet commit to recovery. (See
Why is Recovery So Hard? and
Obstacles to Recovery.)
It is the rare
newcomer to an AA meeting who is not at least inwardly quaking in his
boots. Fear of the unknown and of strange situations is a perfectly
normal human response. In fact, it is a necessary response: for without
the capacity for fear, no individual would survive for long. Fearful
anticipation and resulting hyper-vigilance serve to protect people from
harm in strange situations.
The fear of the
typical newcomer to an AA meeting begins but by no means ends with this
normal and adaptive apprehension in regard to the unfamiliar. The
newcomer is vulnerable to many other fears which usually cause far
greater distress and may eventually cause him to run away, to adopt a
combative attitude, or simply to be unable to profit from his AA
experience.
It is probably
true in general that the famous "fight or flight" response is the
characteristic response of most higher organisms to perceived threat. If
a danger is spotted one must either overcome it, usually by attack, or
run away to escape harm and even death.
The majority of
alcoholics dispose of their fear –dread would probably be a more
accurate word- of AA meetings (and alcohol treatment) by the classical
phobic-avoidance method: they stay as far away from them as possible.
This phobic avoidance is commonly rationalized in various ways, some of
which may be superficially plausible. But the underlying problem in
almost all cases is fear.
The alcoholic who
actually attends an AA meeting, therefore, is the exception to this rule
of avoidance. The "normal" thing is for the alcoholic to shy away from
AA and anything remotely resembling AA. And the chief reason for this
avoidance is fear, followed closely by the intense shame that is
characteristic of most advanced addictive disease.
What is the
alcoholic so afraid of that he is willing to go to any length -sometimes
even to die- to avoid AA meetings? Every individual has a unique story –
but there are some common factors which, while varying in relative
importance in each case, actually constitute the principal explanation
for the typical alcoholic's fear and loathing of AA.
We should keep in
mind that the alcoholic attending his first AA meeting seldom does so in
a state of mental calm and physical equilibrium. Usually there has been
a drinking-related crisis of some kind that has prompted the first visit
to AA. A considerable amount of "energy" is required to lift the
alcoholic from his normal, i.e. drinking "orbit" into the initially much
more aversive AA "orbit." And it is the nature of addiction that mere
rational analysis seldom provides sufficient energy for such a drastic
change of state. Something more, and often something painful and
undeniable, is usually required in addition to whatever intellectual
insight the alcoholic may possess. Attendance at one's first AA meeting
does not take place in a vacuum but in the context of an existence that
more often than not is riddled and riven with turmoil resulting from
alcoholic drinking and behavior.
Something else to
keep in mind when considering the first AA meeting is the usually highly
abnormal and unstable physical state of the alcoholic. For whether he is
still drinking, has attempted to cut down, or has recently stopped
altogether, his brain is seldom in a healthy functional state. More
often than not these days, drugs besides alcohol are likely to be part
of the picture as well. All of this undermines the clarity and stability
of the newcomer's psyche and makes the chore of correctly perceiving and
interpreting the meeting environment more difficult.
The basic fear of
the average alcoholic attending his first AA meeting is loss of face,
i.e. fear of painful narcissistic injury, humiliation, or social
embarrassment. To attend an AA meeting means to acknowledge that one is
or might be an alcoholic who has been unable to control his drinking!
This fear originates and is maintained solely in the alcoholic's head
and is largely independent of external influence – especially external
influence that might be thought to ameliorate it. Thus the newcomer at
an AA meeting is frequently ashamed to be seen there despite knowing
full well that everyone else present is also an alcoholic. This is
because the "seeing" that pains him is his own seeing of himself as
someone with a drinking problem who is in need of help. Well-meant
reassurances from other people are of little help here and may even make
the shame worse. For the alcoholic is ashamed in his own eyes and before
himself, feelings that commonly overflow and then are projected upon
others. The self-critical and ashamed alcoholic thus experiences his own
internal self-condemnation as external criticism and disapproval coming
or threatening to come from others.
A soldier on night
sentry duty on the frontier of hostile and dangerous territory will
naturally be alert to every sound and shadowy movement as possibly
indicating the threatening presence of the enemy. His attention is
focused and organized to detect and act upon signs of imminent attack.
Everything else has been put on the back burner for as long as he stands
sentry duty. Such a soldier is not interested in, nor would he be very
good at learning various kinds of new information about the theory of
standing guard, the politics of warfare, or the geologic history of the
landscape he is presently patrolling. His survival depends upon the
capacity of his mind to weed out such extraneous or distracting input
and to remain fixated upon the immediate task of survival through
vigilance and readiness for quick response. Not merely his weapon but
the soldier himself is "locked and loaded," i.e. ready for combat.
In the same way
the individual exposed for the first time to an entirely new and, in his
mind, potentially threatening environment such as an AA meeting will be
in a state of heightened defensive vigilance, scanning the environment
and the behavior of others for any signs of danger. This is by no means
the optimum state of mind to make objective assessments and to draw
reliable conclusions about what is going on. People under conditions of
perceived high threat view, organize and interpret their environment
just as the soldier-sentry described above does: they are watchful,
suspicious, cautious, and prepared to fight or flee on a moment's
notice.
In brief, the high
anxiety and selective attention of many AA newcomers causes them to
experience and evaluate their meeting environment and the people in it
in a distorted fashion. Only by coming back a number of times with a
diminishing level of fear and anxiety do individuals unfamiliar with AA
meetings begin to acquire a more rounded, accurate and in-depth view of
what is actually going on – as opposed to what they fear is or might
shortly be going on.
All of the
observations made above apply with even more force to those not
infrequent instances in which the newcomer, in addition to suffering
from alcoholism, also suffers from a significant anxiety disorder such
as "social phobia" or "social anxiety disorder." A very high percentage
of alcoholics, 50% or more in some studies, show evidence of an
associated anxiety or depressive condition in addition to their
alcoholism. In these cases faster progress in AA and sobriety is usually
made when separate professional treatment is obtained for the "dual
diagnosis" condition.
90
Meetings in 90 Days?
You Must be CRAZY!
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The newcomer is
frequently shocked and horrified to hear the recommendation that in
order to become adequately acquainted with AA, he should attend at least
ninety meetings in ninety days – a meeting every day for three months!
This recommendation amounts to a proposal for the kind of "total
immersion" strategy that is often used in learning a foreign language:
the student is simply thrown into an environment in which no language
but the one he wishes to learn is spoken.
Also called
"90-90" or "doing a 90-90," the ninety meetings in ninety days
suggestion is just a common sense and experience-derived attempt to deal
with the problems of perspective and interfering emotions described
above. The 90-90 proposition also serves notice that the AA recovery
path is not an easy or effortless one – and that a major change in daily
routine and therefore priorities is required for success. The
prescription is probably one of those :more honored in the breach than
the observance," although a certain number of newcomers do manage to
follow it or something closely akin to it. The basic idea is that in
order to be successful the neophyte must spend the time and energy
required to become acquainted with AA.
A large number of
alcoholics who attend at least one AA meetings recoil in disgust from
the 90-90 advice. It confirms for them some of their worst fears about
AA, for example the charge that it is a dangerous cult that succeeds
only by brainwashing the critical judgment of its participants. The very
idea of making time to attend an AA meeting every single day for three
months offends their sense of proportionality because it seems to them
an absurd, almost grotesque over-reaction to their alcohol problem.
Arriving Late and Leaving
Early
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Not everyone is
uncomfortable at their first AA meeting – but most people are. Part of
this is the normal social anxiety associated with unfamiliar situations;
the majority of it is connected with the intense self-consciousness,
hyper-vigilance, shame and guilt that the prospective AA member feels
for exposing himself as someone with a significant drinking problem
which he is unable to handle on his own. For there is simply no
satisfactory escape from the painful logic that announces to himself and
everyone who sees him at the AA meeting that if he didn't have a bad
drinking problem that he was having trouble handling, he wouldn't be
there in the first place. Just showing up at an AA meeting, therefore,
is a declaration of unmanageable personal difficulty. And for many
people that is an acutely painful source of shame and stigma.
One of the common
ways individuals attempt to manage their "meeting anxiety" is by
arriving late and leaving early. This strategy not only cuts down on the
amount of time actually spent at the meeting, it also, and more
importantly, eliminates the unstructured time prior to and after the
meeting itself. Newcomers tend to feel uncomfortable and awkward in such
circumstances because they don't yet know anybody and aren't sure how to
behave. The simplest and most obvious solution to this predicament is to
avoid it altogether. This sometimes lead to a pattern of meeting
behavior that resembles a bank robbery: the getaway car is left running
outside while the robber darts into the bank, grabs the money, and runs
for his life before the police arrive. The role in this behavior of
intense fear and the resulting phobic-avoidance defense is apparent.
Because the
quickest way to overcome such irrational fears is to confront them
directly rather than to run away and thereby reinforce them, individuals
who are able to force themselves to come a little early and to hang
around and talk for a while after the meeting tend to become comfortable
more quickly. People vary markedly in regard to their interpersonal
anxieties and social skills, but even for the most extroverted and
gregarious souls the initial encounter with AA meetings is almost always
a kind of culture shock that requires some adjustment.
Anonymity and
Confidentiality Concerns
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Alcoholics
Anonymous categorizes itself as anonymous for a reason – actually
for a number of reasons. It is the rare alcoholic who, at least in the
beginning, is not acutely concerned about matters of privacy,
confidentiality and anonymity. Most first timers are afraid of being
seen going into a meeting or of encountering someone they know in the
meeting itself. It is not unheard of for people to attend their first
meetings far away from their own neighborhood or stomping grounds in
order to avoid what they fear would be an embarrassing encounter with
someone they know. Such anxieties reflect and result from the intense
shame and stigmatization connected in the minds of most people with the
label "alcoholic."
Going to AA
requires courage –or desperation- because attendance at an AA meeting
undeniably moves the drinker out of the category of "heavy drinker" into
that of "alcoholic" – or a least is a major step in the latter
direction. Thus it happens that a great many, perhaps the majority of
newcomers to AA are ashamed of themselves merely for needing to be
there. As discussed above, this intense personal shame and humiliation
is commonly projected onto others and onto the environment at large in
the form of paranoid vigilance and fear of external criticism, negative
judgment and disapproval, when in fact the greatest source of negativity
is within the newcomer himself.
The shame that is
often connected with the first AA meeting is suggested in the following
joke often told by alcoholism expert Father Joseph Martin in his famous
talks on alcoholism:
A man was
attending the funeral of an old acquaintance he had not seen for some
time and spoke to the deceased's widow, who sadly informed him that
death had resulted from a drinking problem. The man said "I'm sorry to
hear that. Did he ever try AA?" The widow recoiled in horror and
exclaimed "Oh no! He never got that bad!"
AA meetings do not
take attendance or keep membership roles. It is traditional to identify
oneself by first name only. All meetings include a reminder to keep
everything that is said in the meeting confidential. This "Twelfth
Tradition" of AA is taken very seriously by those who are familiar with
and committed to the program.
What Should You Say if You
Share?
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There is no
requirement for newcomers(or anyone else) to say anything at all.
Participation, like attendance, is purely voluntary( those ordered to
attend by a judge or a treatment program are not quite so "voluntary,"
but their actual participation, if any, is still entirely up to them.)
If one happens to be called upon or otherwise asked to speak and does
not care to do so, the standard formulas for polite refusal are "Thanks,
I'll pass" or "Thanks, I'll just listen tonight." Everyone understands
and accepts this and no pressure is applied to try to change the
person's mind who prefers not to speak.
The Third
Tradition of AA states that "The only requirement for AA membership is a
desire to stop drinking." Even this "requirement" may be a little
overstated, as many people attend AA who don't so much have a desire to
stop drinking as they have a concern about their drinking and its
consequences, and an interest in learning more about themselves. But
those who continue to attend and who subsequently identify themselves as
AA members do sooner or later acknowledge a desire to stop drinking.
Other than this Third Tradition requirement, there are simply no formal
qualifications or requirements for membership.
AA meetings are
extremely diverse and thus vary considerably in the attention, if any,
paid to newcomers. Many meetings include a routine question from the
chairperson as to whether there are any newcomers or people from other
meetings who would like to be introduced by their first name only. This
is meant to offer an opportunity for those desiring to introduce
themselves. It is not a requirement. Although it is usually a good idea
for the newcomer's own progress and comfort just to go ahead and
introduce himself("My name is Bill and I think I am an alcoholic. This
is my first AA meeting."), it is perfectly permissible to remain silent
and defer such an introduction to a later time if one is simply too
frightened to go ahead at that time. (Because such fears are almost
always overcome by facing them and pushing through them rather than
avoiding them, however, newcomers are wise to face their fear whenever
they can.)
It is not
required, in order to speak, to identify or "label" oneself as an
alcoholic, though most members choose to do so. Some people prefer to
identify themselves as "recovering alcoholics" or even "recovered
alcoholic." Newcomers are entirely free to say whatever they like about
themselves in this regard. Since everyone present has had and can
usually remember their own "first AA meeting," there is normally a great
deal of empathy and acceptance of newcomers, whatever their comments or
non-comments may be.
If a newcomer does
choose to introduce himself as such, it is a fairly common practice in
many discussion meetings for members to talk either about their own
first meeting and how they got there, or about the First Step("We
admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become
unmanageable.") The hope here is that by sharing personal experiences
and vulnerabilities group members will help the newcomer to realize that
he is neither alone nor by any means as different from others as he
often feels to be the case. Though this strategy is a useful and
generally helpful one, some newcomers are made even more apprehensive by
such attention. The larger the meeting the easier it is to fade into the
woodwork and not be noticed – but this temporary comfort may come at a
high cost if the individual continues to maintain such a low profile
that he never has the opportunity to connect with others. The AA
recovery method is a "hands on" practical program that seldom works very
well unless those attempting it sooner or later let down their defenses
and walls and allow others to begin to get to know them. This may happen
quickly, even in the first meeting; or it may take a very long time.
Much depends upon the individual history and makeup of the individual
and his degree of comfort or discomfort in social situations. (Newcomers
who are naturally gregarious do not always fare better than those who
are more shy and reserved, for the more or less automatic and sometimes
superficial social skills and faÁade of some of the former may at times
actually work against development of the more fundamental relationships
that recovery almost always requires.)
The speaking(or
sharing) format in discussion meetings varies somewhat in accordance
with the size and seating arrangement of the meeting. Large meetings
almost always function in a "raise your hand to be recognized" fashion
in which anyone wishing to speak indicates his desire to by raising his
hand until he is called on by the discussion leader. Smaller meetings
and meetings in which the seating arrangement is circular or around a
table sometimes "go around the room" starting at one side and continuing
to the other unless time runs out. In this case each person is
automatically invited to speak when his turn arrives. Such an
arrangement often causes a great deal of anxiety in newcomers and in
those who simply have a fear of public speaking. They may sit in their
seats with mounting dread as their "turn" gets closer and closer,
wondering what they are going to say and how it will be received. This
of course completely defeats the purpose of being at the meeting – and
it is also completely unnecessary. For if one doesn't feel like speaking
when his "turn" arrives, saying "Thanks, I'll pass" or "I think I'll
just listen tonight" are common and perfectly acceptable responses. (But
just as in the case of whether or not to introduce oneself as a
newcomer, discussed above, it is almost always in the best interest of
the newcomer to say a few words if he can possibly make himself do so.
This behavior, that of facing rather than running away from one's fears,
is what eventually "desensitizes" the socially anxious or shy person and
helps him to become comfortable speaking.)
Occasionally,
especially in smaller meetings, the discussion leader may call upon
various individuals and ask them if they would like to share. Here also
it is perfectly permissible to say "Thanks, I'll just listen" – although
here also it is usually advisable for the newcomer's own progress to
"take the plunge" and jump in the pool by saying something if possible.
What should one
say if he wishes to speak in a discussion meeting? Anything that comes
to mind and seems relevant. There are no "wrong" shares in AA. Nor is
there any official time limitation, although most who share will finish
in three minutes or less. Sometimes more time is needed. There are no
written or rigid rules.
The AA recovery
program emphasizes personal honesty and openness to a degree that is
often startling to those unfamiliar with it. Sometimes such frankness
and candor may give the wrong impression that a speaker is "beating up
on himself" and running himself down just for the pleasure of doing so.
Occasionally there are individuals who for reasons of their own seem to
do just that – but the healthy aim of the AA program is simply to gain
control over one's shortcomings by honestly admitting them and then
doing something about them. Wallowing in guilt and self-blame is not the
AA way, which is briefly stated as "learning to live in the solution
rather than dwelling in the problem."
Therefore the
newcomer who desires to speak need not and probably should not engage in
a confessional litany of his sins and shortcomings. The mere fact that
he is present at the meeting is sufficient suggestion that life has not
been going well for him, and quite possibly also those around him. A common "share" by a newcomer might consist of his first name,
identification of himself as an alcoholic if he believes this
fits(otherwise not – it would be dishonest to say something one did not
believe!), followed by a brief statement of what has been going on in
his life that has brought him to his first AA meeting. The main point of
such an introduction is simply to "break the ice" and to begin to let
others get acquainted with one. Human beings are diverse and
individually unique, but the experiences of alcoholics, particularly
those at the stage of the illness at which AA attendance usually begins,
are quite constricted and stereotyped. There are perhaps a dozen or so
major alcoholic scenarios which, once known, can be "filled in" and
fleshed out with a surprising degree of accuracy by those intimately
familiar with the thinking and behavior of alcoholics. And no group of
people is as familiar with the thinking and behavior of alcoholics as
those in attendance at the typical AA meeting.
What response does
the newcomer usually receive to his sharing? This of course depends upon
many factors, including the nature of the particular AA group, those who
are present, and what the newcomer actually says. In the typical
scenario, subsequent speakers may relate what has been said to their own
experience. No one particularly enjoys receiving unsolicited advice from
others, and alcoholics probably enjoy it considerably less than average.
The usual way of communicating in discussion groups is therefore by
sharing one's own experiences, not merely his opinions. The chances
therefore are great that whatever the newcomer specifically shares,
others will respond by relating feelings and experiences similar to his.
The aim is to be nonjudgmental and supportive as possible by simply
fostering an atmosphere of mutual openness and honesty in which all who
are present acknowledge their humanity and hence their imperfections.
The usual "masks" and social role personae that may be worn in other
situations are, ideally, temporarily taken off for the duration of the
AA meeting.
God, Religion and Spirituality
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Although it is an
undeniable historical fact that AA had its origins in the so-called
"Oxford Group" movement which emphasized a return to the presumed basic
teachings of Christ, it is an equally undeniable historical fact that AA
itself only began when its founders split off from the Oxford Group
movement. Thus although the Christian religious influence is omnipresent
in AA doctrine and practice, AA itself is by no means a Christian or
even a religious organization – a fact that has caused and continues to
cause a great deal of confusion in the minds of those unfamiliar with
AA.
The history of AA
and the various influences that shaped and continue to shape the program
is a fascinating and complex topic – but it is seldom something
newcomers have time, interest, or even mental concentration for. But for
those who like to research the background of what they may be getting
themselves into, the following sites provide some useful information:
http://www.casti.com/aa/misc/oxford.html
A concise overview of early AA history with special attention to the
Oxford Group connection.
http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Villa/1576/
A large collection of AA history links.
Not-God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Ernest Kurtz. Hazelden Education Information, January 1998.
Clicking on the link will take you to Amazon.com, an on-line bookseller.
("Psychiatry & Wellness" web site receives no revenues from this or any
other courtesy link on our site.)
The newcomer only
really needs to know that there is no religious requirement for AA
attendance and that he is free to believe whatever he chooses to
believe. There are many
agnostics and atheists in AA as well as
many members of established churches and organized religions, Christian
and otherwise. The Third Tradition of AA states that "The only
requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking." Nothing is
said about religion – or about any other requirement.
What then about
all the talk of God and even the Lord's Prayer that is said at many –not
all- AA meetings? The basic idea is to attempt to relate to some
kind of "power greater than oneself." The reason for this "Higher Power"
is to acquire a sense of perspective and also support. Many people say
that they use the AA group or AA as a whole in this fashion. The
Eleventh Step speaks of "God as we understand Him," a qualification that
leaves ample room for personal preferences. AA members are free to
believe anything they like about God, up to and including his
non-existence.
It is commonly
said that AA is "spiritual, not religious." The goal is direct personal
spiritual growth without what many see as the unnecessary and even
harmful encumbrances of organized religion. In this respect AA reveals
its Protestant roots and dislike of the trappings and hierarchy of
organized religion.
Many people
familiar with the challenges facing newcomers to AA suggest that the
whole topic of God, religion and spirituality be reserved for a later
and more suitable time in recovery. Excessive attention to and analysis
of this or any other abstract subject is seldom useful and may in fact
frequently prove harmful to recovery. Such theoretical or philosophical
concerns early in recovery from alcoholism are often manifestations of
the addictive process itself, or of the afflicted individual's
alienation from his own core self and feelings into an
over-intellectualized state where he feels comfortable and safe.
The important
thing is to "keep coming back" to meetings and to have as open a mind as
possible.
Dogmatism and Dogmatists
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A discussion of
God, religion, spirituality and AA leads naturally into the problem of
AA dogmatism – actually, the problem of AA dogmatists. The actual
"official" AA program as described in the Big Book and other approved
literature is conspicuously and consciously non-dogmatic and broad. The
famous Twelve Steps themselves are merely "suggested as a program
of recovery." But because human beings tend to have opinions about
matters vital to their welfare, and because alcoholics as a group are
probably more prone to having and expressing strong opinions than
average, it is not uncommon to find AA members here and there who are
convinced that their understanding of the AA program is the only
possible correct one, and hence that failure to adhere to their beliefs
and practices will inevitably lead to ruin on the part of anyone unwise
enough to disregard their superior wisdom.
Since the whole
psychological or spiritual aim of AA recovery is to gain a sense of
perspective on oneself that leads to tolerance and a nonjudgmental
outlook, individuals who attempt to compel others to accept their own
beliefs cannot be said to be "practicing the program" themselves. Such
people are often described as "dry drunks," i.e. alcoholics who, though
not drinking, are nevertheless behaving the way alcoholics commonly do
when they drink. These "dry drunks" manifest judgmental and intolerant
attitudes and a sense of personal grandiosity and "know-it-all"-ism that
causes them to believe they know best, not only for themselves but also
for other people. They are not content to keep their opinions to
themselves, nor even to state them humbly or diplomatically. In extreme
cases they resemble the fiery pulpit preachers of organized religion's
yesteryear, always prepared to thunder forth their understanding of the
one and only Truth to infidels and unbelievers, coupling their sermons
and admonitions with the direst possible warnings of what will
unquestionably befall those who fail to heed them. They are unattractive
personalities who violate the AA principle of "promotion by attraction,"
i.e. of the responsibility of each AA member to strive to become the
sort of person that others desire to emulate. The AA newcomer can safely
ignore the often detailed instructions and advice of such people in
favor of the more relaxed and accepting suggestions of less rigid
or fanatical members.
Newcomers should
also be prepared for the diversity and individuality of opinion that is
usually expressed in meetings, and should realize that nobody in the
meeting, regardless of how they may present themselves and their
beliefs, is officially authorized to speak for AA itself. Everyone's
opinion, from the rankest newcomer to the most seasoned and sober
veteran, is simply their opinion. In AA there are no generals, no
officers, nor even any non-coms. Everyone alike is a pfc – "private
first class." This certainly does not mean that everyone's opinion is
just as true or useful as everyone else's – but it does mean that no one
has been officially commissioned with the AA authority to lord it over
anyone else or to tell them with any authority beyond that of their
personal opinion how they must practice their own program of recovery.
Sponsors and sponsorship.
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There is an
official AA pamphlet on sponsorship that is usually available in the
literature collection of most AA meetings. It may also be requested from
the local AA Central Office.
Virtually all AA
meetings and members recommend that newcomers obtain an AA sponsor
relatively early in their recovery. As with everything else in AA, there
are no official rules or regulations about sponsors and sponsorship. The
basic idea is to acquire a mentor or "Big Brother" or Sister who is
willing and able to guide the neophyte as his recovery progresses.
Same-sex sponsors are generally encouraged except under unusual
circumstances. The suggestion that newcomers have a sponsor is, like
everything else in AA, just that, a suggestion. There is no requirement
that anyone have a sponsor, and no one checks to see whether anyone else
does.
The usual advice
is to look for a sponsor "who has what you want," i.e. who appears to be
sober and emotionally balanced and who displays the kinds of beliefs and
behaviors that one wishes to emulate and from whom one hopes to learn
something of value not only about recovery, but even about life itself.
Because of the agitated and anxious emotional state of many AA
newcomers, it may not be easy to make such determinations until a number
of meetings have gone by and the emotional dust has begun to settle a
bit. There is no real requirement to "get a sponsor at any cost," so it
is permissible and probably better to take one's time and look around a
bit before actually selecting someone to ask. This selection is usually
done on the basis of observing and listening to the potential sponsor
speak during meetings and perhaps noting their interactions with others
before and after as well as during the meetings.
Some meetings
include in their "readings" (the formalized way in which the meeting is
opened or closed) the invitation for anyone desiring a temporary sponsor
to contact a particular individual immediately after the meeting. The
suggestion is often made to newcomers to seek a temporary rather than a
long term sponsor just to get started in the program. Like so-called
temporary employment, many but not all of these relationships will
mature into lasting ones. Calling them "temporary" merely makes it
easier for both parties to retire from them if for any reason they
desire to do so.
Sponsorship is a
highly individual matter with no fixed rules or regulations. The style
and content of the "mentoring" vary tremendously from sponsor to
sponsor. Some sponsors have a fairly structured approach with specific
suggestions and even "assignments" for those who ask them to sponsor
them. They may ask their "sponsees" to call them every day for a while
just to get in the habit of using the telephone, or they may assign
specific parts of the Big Book or other official AA literature to be
read and discussed with them. Sponsors and sponsees often meet before or
after the meeting for coffee or meals in order to get to know each other
and discuss recovery. Whatever the individual style of a particular
sponsor, it is always understood that the sponsee is free and in fact
morally obliged to call his sponsor any time he is in trouble or about
to drink.
Sponsors and
sponsees are absolutely free at any time to terminate their relationship
if it is not satisfactory to either of them.
Principles Before
Personalities
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AA is an
exceedingly diverse and usually colorful collection of people with all
kinds of personalities and problems in addition to that of alcoholism.
Individual meetings also tend to acquire a special flavor and
"personality" of their own. All in all, AA represents a vast
cross-section of the general population. Along with the many good people
who attend and who are sober are always some who are not so good and who
may or may not be sober. An AA saying wryly but accurately notes that
"If you like everyone you meet in AA, you haven't been to enough
meetings."
Although the
natural fear and anxiety of many newcomers usually serves to protect
them from premature and unwise involvement with those who may not be
good for them, occasionally the newcomer is so desperate for real human
contact and even affection that he or she may be vulnerable to
exploitation for money, sex or other favors by unscrupulous individuals.
"Thirteenth Stepping" –there are actually only twelve steps in the
Twelve Step program- is the common term for sexual exploitation of
female newcomers by males in the program. The reasons to avoid premature
emotional and physical intimacy in early recovery are obvious and really
come down to just one principal concern: such involvements frequently
become unmanageably complex or turn sour, and the risk of alcoholic
relapse for the newcomer is extremely high. It is always best to keep
one's life as simple and non-stressful as possible in the beginning of
recovery.
Sometimes
newcomers plunge right into the after-meeting socializing and personal
relationships among members at a pace that is too fast for their own
good. Non-program related issues and concerns may sometimes dominate
these friendships and work to the detriment of the individual's recovery
by blurring their focus on the AA program itself. Conflicts and
complications in personal friendships with other AA members may even
serve to disillusion the newcomer and undermine his trust in the program
itself. It is therefore always wise to remember the advice, "Principles
before personalities." Individual human beings are always fallible and
hence apt to disappoint, but the principles of recovery and of right
conduct remain and are untouched by individual failings.
Before and After the Meeting
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AA meetings
generally begin and end on time. Depending on the particular group, its
size and location, some people usually arrive early and socialize before
the meeting actually begins. After the meeting officially concludes
there is usually a period of time during which people hold individual or
small group conversations about various program and non-program related
topics. These before-and-after times can be especially anxious times for
the newcomer, who usually doesn't know anybody and who may be extremely
self-conscious merely as a result of finding himself in a new and
unfamiliar situation.
The best way to
deal with such anxieties is the usually preferred method of head-on
confrontation with the fear, for it is a psychological fact that what we
are afraid of and avoid almost always gains more power over us, while
that which we face up to and conquer thereby loses its ability to
frighten us. The more actual interactions the newcomer to AA has, the
more data he acquires with which to refine his understanding of what is
actually going on at the meetings. Thus those who can make themselves do
so are best advised to arrive early and leave late rather than the
common and understandable tendency to reverse this polarity by arriving
late and leaving early.
If an individual
identifies himself as a newcomer just getting sober he will very often
be given names and phone numbers by other members along with an offer to
be of help if needed. This is a sort of informal and temporary
sponsorship that reflects the AA tradition of service by helping others.
More than one newcomer totally unfamiliar with AA has been startled and
made temporarily suspicious by such unsolicited friendliness, even to
the point of suspecting that those offering him their cards actually
desire to sell him something or otherwise take advantage of him.
Brainwashing, Mind
Control and Cultism
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AA has been
accused of all of these, both by disgruntled former participants and
also by those who have never set foot in an AA meeting. The newcomer
will have to make up his own mind, based upon his own observations and
experiences, about such charges, at least some of which seem to stem
from negative experiences with the Dogmatists described above. If one
simply recalls that all opinions expressed by AA members are just that,
opinions; and if he remembers that no one in AA possesses any official
rank or authority to dictate to anyone else what to think or how to
behave in regard to anything at all, much of the air in such hostile
balloons is immediately deflated.
The newcomer who
hangs around long enough will usually have the pleasure of getting
acquainted with as remarkably diverse, independent, defiant and colorful
a collection of personalities as it has ever been his privilege to know.
For far from it being the truth that all recovering alcoholics are alike
in some stereotyped "programmed" fashion, it is the recovery from
alcoholism that releases the actual individuality of each alcoholic. It
is in fact the drinking alcoholic or the defiant newly "dry" alcoholic
who is much more apt to resemble in thinking and behavior everyone else
in the same category as himself. Genuine, as opposed to merely
superficial, theatrical or pretend individuality actually only begins
with recovery from alcoholism. For there is much more to being an
individual than merely claiming to be one.
But not everyone
is charmed by AA. Here are some sites with a decidedly different view.
Caveat lector! ("Let the reader beware!")
·
AA Deprogramming
·
Why it is good to speak out against AA
·
How AA Steals Your Soul
·
AA's Role in Society: More Negative Than
Positive?
Slogans and Other
Superficial Things
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Newcomers are
sometimes shocked and even repulsed at what they take to be the
insultingly simple and superficial nature of many AA sayings and
slogans. There is often a good deal of misunderstanding of what the
slogans actually mean. "One day at a time," for example, is not
infrequently "translated" by the anxious and not always clear-headed
newcomer to mean something like "Don't plan and don't take care of
important matters" or something equally erroneous and absurd which he
quite rightly and often indignantly rejects. Terms like "acceptance" and
"powerlessness" are highly vulnerable to such distortions and
misunderstandings which time and continued participation in meetings
usually correct.
The typical guilt
and shame ridden newcomer may interpret talk from other members about
their "character defects" and the Fourth Step "fearless and searching
moral inventory" as nothing but a demand to pay for one's sins by
confessing them publicly in the most abject and humiliating fashion.
Individuals who are simply attempting to be candid and honest about
their shortcomings and their plans to change them may be viewed by
neophytes as "beating up on themselves." It is for this reason that many
people suggest that newcomers concentrate on attending meetings and not
drinking "one day at a time" rather than immediately launching into the
more complex parts of the AA program. Time is required to begin to feel
safe and comfortable and to get to know others. Time, considerably more
time than alcoholics usually realize or believe, is also required for
the physiological effects of alcohol and alcohol withdrawal on the brain
to clear up.
Just as children
and young people commonly find well-known proverbs irritatingly obvious
and ordinary, only to realize gradually as adults the depth of wisdom
contained in their simple, compressed format, so do AA newcomers
commonly construe the familiar AA sayings and slogans one way in the
beginning and another way later on, after they have had time and
opportunity to reflect upon them and to discuss them with others.
Simplicity is not always equal to superficiality. Novice Zen Buddhist
monks have been known to meditate for up to 15 years on koans –sayings-
such as "When hungry, eat; when tired, rest" before mastering them.
The following
collection of slogans comes from the
Humor Anonymous website:
It's hard to be a
big shot in an anonymous program.
That's easier said than felt.
Willpower tells me I must, but willingness tells me I can.
We're only as sick as our secrets.
Do what you did and you get what you got.
If it's God's will, I will.
Sometimes the only thing between an alcoholic and a drink is his higher
power.
In the beginning I went for my drinking. Today I go for my thinking.
Time takes time.
Patience takes patience.
You can't think your way into a new way of living...you have to live
your way into a new way of thinking.
God don't make no junk.
It wasn't my drinking, it was my thinking.
Fake it 'til you make it.
Live for today. Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's a mystery.
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.
Use your brain. It's the little things that count.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Little by slowly.
I don't want the morning after the night before.
After a year, you can have your cake and eat it too.
How does A.A. work? It works just fine.
Do the next right thing.
Drink till you're convinced.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Talk does not cook rice.
Sit down, shut up and listen.
Act "as if..."
If you think the program is too simple, go out and drink some more. By
the time you get back you'll be simple enough for the program.
It's always easier to take somebody else's inventory.
Pray daily, God is easier to talk to than most people.
If drinking doesn't bring you to your knees, sobriety will.
When you sober up a horse thief, all you have is a sober horse thief.
Gratitude is an attitude.
I've been here a few 24 hours.
EGO: Edging God Out
We came, we came to, we came to believe.
Daniel didn't go back to the lion's den to get his hat.
If you stick with the bunch, you'll get peeled.
We suffer from alcohol-ISM, not alcohol-WASM
Some people drink normally, and I normally drink .
The person with the most sobriety is the one who got up earliest this
morning.
A.A. is the easier, softer way.
Go to meetings when you want to, and go to meetings when you don't want
to.
There are no elevators in A.A., only steps.
If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places.
The mind is like a parachute, it works better when it's open.
The only step we have to do perfectly is step one.
Meeting-makers make it.
You can't save your face and your ass at the same time.
If I don't let go, I lose my grip.
Steps 1, 2, and 3 condensed: I can't, He can, so let Him.
We'll love you until you learn to love yourself.
Don't give up before the miracle happens.
You never have to drink again.
If you don't have a Higher Power, borrow mine.
Progress, not perfection.
Unless I accept my virtues, I will be overwhelmed with my faults.
We are not human beings sharing a spiritual journey, but spiritual
beings sharing a human journey.
Let God save your soul...we're here to save your ass!
Practice makes progress.
Sometimes you have to get on your knees to rise.
If you don't talk about it, you'll drink about it.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself
less.
In A.A., for every nut there's a wrench.
Some other common
slogans are:
Expectations are
like resentments in escrow.
It's OK to look back at the past - just don't stare.
My mind is like a bad neighborhood: it's not safe to go there alone.
It's a WE program.
The only thing I need to know about God is that I ain't Him.
K.I.S.S. = Keep It Simple, Stupid
H.A.L.T. = (Don't let yourself get) Hungry, Angry, Lonely
and Tired.
Fear is the opposite of faith.
I don't need to have an opinion about everything.
Easy does it.
Think the drink through.
If you can't remember your last drunk, you haven't had it.
Don't drink, and go to meetings.
Trust God, clean house, help others(Dr. Bob).
AA is a simple program for complex people.
Nobody is too dumb to get sober but plenty of people are too smart.
A New Vocabulary
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One of the
commonest stumbling blocks for AA newcomers is the AA vocabulary itself.
Familiar and everyday terms such as acceptance, powerlessness, and
humility are used in AA in ways that are somewhat different from
ordinary usage. This causes a good deal of confusion and
misunderstanding in some minds, as for example when the term
"acceptance" is mistakenly supposed to mean merely rolling over and
playing dead, or letting other people walk all over one; or when
"humility" is misunderstood to mean self-condemnation, groveling, or
putting oneself down. Although most newcomers, after a few meetings,
seem to pick up the context and the actual meanings of such terms when
used in AA, others have great difficulty understanding the AA usage and
continue to misconstrue them in ways that are often antithetical to
their intended meaning. The word "powerless" has probably resulted in
more confusion than any other single term used by AA.
A brief
unofficial lexicon of the actual AA meaning of such terms might go
something like this:
Acceptance.
Recognizing and admitting the actual facts of the case rather than
clinging to what one would prefer to be true. Starting from a reality
base. Behaving like an adult in the face of disappointment and
frustration. It is acceptance to make other plans when it rains on the
day one had planned a picnic. Lack of acceptance would be manifested by
self-pity, sulking, and brooding all day on the unfairness of the rain
shower. Far from being passive, acceptance in this sense is active and
creative.
Humility.
Seeing oneself and one's concerns in correct perspective. Behaving in
accordance with such a correct understanding of oneself rather than in
accordance with a falsely inflated or deflated idea of oneself. Humility
thus understood is merely perspective - sanity - honesty. It is
comparable to a scientific investigator doing his best to collect,
analyze and report his findings objectively, no matter how he might wish
them to turn out. It represents a net gain rather than a loss in the
adaptive repertoire of the individual, hence a potential augmentation of
his personal power.
Powerlessness.
Lack of complete control over events, especially one's intake of alcohol
once he has started to drink. Powerlessness is seldom absolute. But even
relative or occasional powerlessness is sufficient to do great harm. The
valid identification, admission, and acceptance of circumstances in
which one is absolutely or relatively powerless actually increases one's
actual power. "Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed." Francis Bacon.
The AA subculture
differs in many ways from the wider culture in which it is contained. A
kind of "culture shock" is thus inevitable for those who have no prior
familiarity with AA or 12 Step programs. Wise newcomers adopt a patient,
wait-and-see attitude before arriving at definite conclusions about
phenomena they may never have encountered before. The predicament of the
newcomer is in fact akin to that of an anthropologist living among and
wishing to understand the habits and mores of a strange and unfamiliar
tribe. Time and open-mindedness are required to gain a correct
understanding in such matters.
AA and Psychiatry
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Alcoholics
Anonymous and its co-founders Bill Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith from the
beginning held and sought earnestly to maintain good relations with the
medical community, including psychiatry.
"The
Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous" itself contains a
famous introduction called
"The Doctor's Opinion" by
William D. Silkworth, a psychiatrist. The official AA position has
consistently been one of humility and cooperation rather than
grandiosity and exclusivity in regard to various ways of helping the
alcoholic.
It is well known
that individual physicians vary greatly in their understanding of
alcoholism and addiction and that those who lack such an understanding
may be less than helpful with their alcoholic and addicted patients.
However, there are many physicians and psychiatrists who do possess an
excellent grasp of the principles of addiction treatment and who are
therefore highly skilled in their treatment of their alcoholic and
addicted patients.
The individual
experiences of AA members at meetings reflect this broad array of
professional abilities and range from highly favorable to highly
unfavorable. In this and in other instances newcomers should keep in
mind that opinions of others are just that: opinions. AA does not claim
to have, and individual members are not competent to give -unless they
have acquired special training- professional advice regarding mental
health disorders other than alcoholism - including advice on the
question of appropriate usage of medications for depression, manic-depression(bipolar
disorder) and anxiety disorders.
Occasionally
individual AA members will express the erroneous opinion that "you can't
be sober as long as you are taking any mind-altering medications."
Newcomers may even be advised by some people to discontinue medications
without discussing this with their physician. Such advice, should it be
encountered, should be regarded as simply the private and personal
opinion of the person tendering it. There is nothing in the official AA
literature that prohibits the alcoholic from taking appropriately
prescribed and required psychiatric medications.
Attitudes toward
psychiatry and psychiatric medications, while always an individual
matter, tend to vary somewhat in relation to specific groups. Up to 50%
of alcoholics suffer from an associated "co-morbid" or "dual diagnosis"
condition such as depression or severe anxiety. Newcomers in treatment
for such conditions will generally feel more at home in meetings whose
members respect the stated limitations of AA in regard to their
diagnosis and treatment.
The AA Preamble
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"ALCOHOLICS
ANONYMOUS is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common
problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement
for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees
for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own
contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics,
organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy;
neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay
sober and help | 
