Could you describe your spiritual
experience for us and your understanding of
what happened?
Answer
In December 1934, I appeared at Towns
Hospital, New York. My old friend, Dr.
William Silkworth shook his head. Soon free
of my sedation and alcohol I felt horribly
depressed. My friend Ebby turned up and
although glad to see him, I shrank a little
as I feared evangelism, but nothing of the
sort happened. After some small talk, I
again asked him for his neat little formula
for recovery. Quietly and sanely and without
the slightest pressure he told me and then
he left.
Lying there in conflict, I dropped into the
blackest depression I had ever known.
Momentarily my prideful depression was
crushed. I cried out, "Now I am ready to do
anything - anything to receive what my
friend Ebby has." Though I certainly didn't
expect anything, I did make this frantic
appeal, "If there be a God, will He show
Himself!" The result was instant, electric
beyond description. The place seemed to
light up, blinding white. I knew only
ecstasy and seemed on a mountain. A great
wind blew, enveloping and penetrating me. To
me, it was not of air but of Spirit.
Blazing, there came the tremendous thought,
"you are a free man." Then the ecstasy
subsided. Still on the bed, I now found
myself in a new world of consciousness which
was suffused by a Presence. One with the
Universe, a great peace came over me. I
thought, "So this is the God of the
preachers, this is the great Reality." But
soon my so-called reason returned, my modern
education took over and I thought I must be
crazy and I became terribly frightened.
Dr. Silkworth, a medical saint if ever there
was one, came in to hear my trembling
account of this phenomenon. After
questioning me carefully, he assured me that
I was not mad and that perhaps I had
undergone a psychic experience which might
solve my problem. Skeptical man of science
though he then was, this was most kind and
astute. If he had of said, "hallucination,"
I might now be dead. To him I shall ever be
eternally grateful.
Good fortune pursued me. Ebby brought me a
book entitled "Varieties of Religious
Experience" and I devoured it. Written by
William James, the psychologist, it suggests
that the conversion experience can have
objective reality. Conversion does alter
motivation and it does semi-automatically
enable a person to be and to do the formerly
impossible. Significant it was, that marked
conversion experience came mostly to
individuals who knew complete defeat in a
controlling area of life. The book certainly
showed variety but whether these experiences
were bright or dim, cataclysmic or gradual,
theological or intellectual in bearing, such
conversions did have a common denominator -
they did change utterly defeated people. So
declared William James, the father of modern
psychology. The shoe fitted and I have tried
to wear it ever since.
For drunks, the obvious answer was deflation
at depth, and more of it. That seemed plain
as a pikestaff. I had been trained as an
engineer, so the news of this authoritative
psychologist meant everything to me. This
eminent scientist of the mind had confirmed
everything that Dr. Jung had said, and had
extensively documented all he claimed. Thus
William James firmed up the foundation on
which I and many others had stood all these
years. I haven't had a drink of alcohol
since 1934. (N.Y. Med. Soc. Alcsm., April
28,1958).
