Contents
Chapter 11
A Vision For
You
For most normal folks,
drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful
imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It
is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.
But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old
pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we
recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent
yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking
obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do
it. There was always one more attempt -- and one more failure.
The less people tolerated
us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we
became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad
realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It
thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid
places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval.
Momentarily we did -- then would come oblivion and the awful
awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen -- Terror,
Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read
this page will understand!
Now and then a serious
drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all.
Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem
drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a
boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools
himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen
drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old
game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot
picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to
imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will
know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off
place. He will wish for the end.
We have shown how we got
out from under. You say, "Yes, I'm willing. But am I to be
consigned to a life where I shall be stupid, boring and glum,
like some righteous people I see? I know I must get along
without liquor, but how can I? Have you a sufficient
substitute?"
Yes, there is a
substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship
in Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from care,
boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will
mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your
existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will
you.
"How is that to come
about?" you ask. "Where am I to find these people?"
You are going to meet
these new friends in your own community. Near you, alcoholics
are dying helplessly like people in a sinking ship. If you live
in a large place, there are hundreds. High and low, rich and
poor, these are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among
them you will make lifelong friends. You will be bound to them
with new and wonderful ties, for you will escape disaster
together and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your common
journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself
that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the
full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself."
It may seem incredible
that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once
more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute and
hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things
have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you
wish them above all else, and be willing to make use of our
experience, we are sure they will come. The age of miracles is
till with us. Our own recovery proves that!
Our hope is that when
this chip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism,
defeated drinkers will seize upon it, to follow its suggestions.
Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and march on. They
will approach still other sick ones and fellowships of
Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up in each city and hamlet,
havens for those who must find a way out.
In the chapter "Working
With Others" you gathered an idea of how we approach and aid
others to health. Suppose now that through you several families
have adopted this way of life. You will want to know more of how
to proceed from that point. Perhaps the best way of treating you
to a glimpse of your future will be to describe the growth or
the fellowship among us. Here is a brief account:
Years ago, in 1935, one
of our number made a journey to a certain western city. From a
business standpoint, his trip came off badly. Had he been
successful in his enterprise, he would have been set on his feet
financially which, at the time, seemed vitally important. But
his venture would up in a law suit and bogged down completely.
The proceeding was shot through with much hard feeling and
controversy.
Bitterly discouraged, he
found himself in a strange place, discredited and almost broke.
Still physically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that
his predicament was dangerous. He wanted so much to talk with
someone, but whom?
One dismal afternoon he
paced a hotel lobby wondering how his bill was to be paid. At
the end of the room stood a glass covered directory of local
churches. Down the lobby a door opened into an attractive bar.
He could see the gay crowd inside. In there he would find
companionship and release. Unless he took some drinks, he might
not have the courage to scrape an acquaintance and would have a
lonely week-end.
Of course he couldn't
drink, but why not sit hopefully at a table, a bottle of ginger
ale before him? After all, had he not been sober six months now?
Perhaps he could handle, say, three drinks -- no more! Fear
gripped him. He was on thin ice. Again it was the old, insidious
insanity -- that first drink. With a shiver, he turned away and
walked down the lobby to the church directory. Music and gay
chatter still floated to him from the bar.
But what about his
responsibilities -- his family and the men who would die because
they would not know how to get well, ah -- yes, those other
alcoholics? There must be many such in this town. He would phone
a clergyman. His sanity returned and he thanked God. Selecting a
church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and
lifted the receiver.
His call to the clergyman
led him presently to a certain resident of the town, who, though
formerly able and respected, was then nearing the nadir of
alcoholic despair. It was the usual situation; home in jeopardy,
wife ill, children distracted, bills in arrears and standing
damaged. He had a desperate desire to stop, but saw no way out,
for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully
aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize
what it meant to be alcoholic. [NOTE: This refers to
Bill's first visit with Dr. Bob. These men later became
co-founders of A.A. Bill's story opens the text of this book;
Dr. Bob's heads the Story Section.]
When our friend related
his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he
might muster could stop his drinking for long. A spiritual
experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price
seemed high upon the basis suggested. He told how he lived in
constant worry about those who might find out about his
alcoholism. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession
that few knew of his drinking. Why, he argued, should he lose
the remainder of his business, only to bring still more
suffering to his family by foolishly admitting his plight to
people from whom he made his livelihood? He would do anything,
he said, but that.
Being intrigued, however,
he invited our friend to his home. Some time later, and just as
he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation, he
went on a roaring bender. For him, this was the spree that ended
all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems
squarely that God might give him mastery.
One morning he took the
bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his
trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received,
and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his
car, he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he
went about, for this might mean ruin, particularly to a person
in his line of business.
At midnight he came home
exhausted, but very happy. He has not had a drink since. As we
shall see, he now means a great deal to his community, and the
major liabilities of thirty years of hard drinking have been
repaired in four.
But life was not easy for
the two friends. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves.
Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. One day they
called up the head nurse of a local hospital. They explained
their need and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic
prospect.
She replied, "Yes, we've
got a corker. He's just beaten up a couple of nurses. Goes off
his head completely when he's drinking. But he's a grand chap
when he's sober, though he's been in here eight times in the
last six months. Understand he was once a well-known lawyer in
town, but just now we've got him strapped down tight." [NOTE:
This refers to Bill's and Dr. Bob's first visit to A.A.
Number Three. See the Pioneer Section. This resulted in A.A.
first group at Akron, Ohio, in 1935.]
Here was a prospect all
right but, by the description, none too promising. The use of
spiritual principles in such case was not so well understood as
it is now. But one of the friends said, "Put him in a private
room. We'll be down."
Two days later, a future
fellow of Alcoholics Anonymous stared glassily at the strangers
beside his bed. "Who are you fellows, and why this private room?
I was always in a ward before."
Said one of the visitors,
"We're giving you a treatment for alcoholism."
Hopelessness was written
large on the man's face as he replied, "Oh, but that's no use.
Nothing would fix me. I'm a goner. The last three times, I got
drunk on the way home from here. I'm afraid to go out the door.
I can't understand it."
For an hour, the two
friends told him about their drinking experiences. Over and
over, he would say: "That's me. That's me. I drink like that."
The man in the bed was
told of the acute poisoning from which he suffered, how it
deteriorates the body of an alcoholic and warps his mind. There
was much talk about the mental state preceding the first drink.
"Yes, that' me," said the
sick man, "the very image. You fellows know your stuff all
right, but I don't see what good it'll do. You fellows are
somebody. I was once, but I'm a nobody now. From what you tell
me, I know more than ever I can't stop." At this both the
visitors burst into a laugh. Said the future Fellow Anonymous:
"Damn little to laugh about that I can see."
The two friends spoke of
their spiritual experience and told him about the course of
action they carried out.
He interrupted: "I used
to be strong for the church, but that won't fix it. I've prayed
to God on hangover mornings and sworn that I'd never touch
another drop but by nine o'clock I'd be boiled as an owl."
Next day found the
prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over. "Maybe
you're right," he said. "God ought to be able to do anything."
Then he added, "He sure didn't do much for me when I was trying
to fight this booze racket alone."
On the third day the
lawyer gave his life to the care and direction of his Creator,
and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary. His
wife came, scarcely daring to be hopeful, though she thought she
saw something different about her husband already. He had begun
to have a spiritual experience.
That afternoon he put on
his clothes and walked from the hospital a free man. He entered
a political campaign, making speeches, frequenting men's
gathering places of all sorts, often staying up all night. He
lost the race by only a narrow margin. But he had found God --
and in finding God had found himself.
That was in June, 1935.
He never drank again. He too, has become a respected and useful
member of his community. He has helped other men recover, and is
a power in the church from which he was long absent.
So, you see, there were
three alcoholics in that town, who now felt they had to give to
others what they had found, or be sunk. After several failures
to find others, a fourth turned up. He came through an
acquaintance who had heard the good news. He proved to be a
devil-may-care young fellow whose parents could not make out
whether he wanted to stop drinking or not. They were deeply
religious people, much shocked by their son's refusal to have
anything to do with the church. He suffered horribly from his
sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. He
consented, however, to go to the hospital, where he occupied the
very room recently vacated by the lawyer.
He had three visitors.
After a bit, he said, "The way you fellows put this spiritual
stuff makes sense. I'm ready to do business. I guess the old
folks were right after all." So one more was added to the
Fellowship.
All this time our friend
of the hotel lobby incident remained in that town. He was there
three months. He now returned home, leaving behind his first
acquaintances, the lawyer and the devil-may-care chap. These men
had found something brand new in life. Though they knew they
must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that
motive became secondary. It was transcended by the happiness
they found in giving themselves for others. They shared their
homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare
hours to fellow-sufferers. They were willing, by day or night,
to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward. They
grew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures,
but in those cases they made an effort to bring the man's family
into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and
suffering.
A year and six months
later these three had succeeded with seven more. Seeing much of
each other, scarce an evening passed that someone's home did not
shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their
release, and constantly thinking how they might present their
discovery to some newcomer. In addition to these casual
get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week
for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in
a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability,
the prime object was to provide a time and place where new
people might bring their problems.
Outsiders became
interested. One man and his wife placed their large home at the
disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. This couple has since
become so fascinated that they have dedicated their home to the
work. Many a distracted wife has visited this house to find
loving and understanding companionship among women who knew her
problem, to hear from the lips of their husbands what had
happened to them, to be advised how her own wayward mate might
be hospitalized and approached when next he stumbled.
Many a man, yet dazed
from his hospital experience, has stepped over the threshold of
that home into freedom. Many an alcoholic who entered there came
away with an answer. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside, who
laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. Impressed
by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated
entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard
the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his
own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable
something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric
atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was
haven at last.
The very practical
approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any
kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny
understanding which these people had were irresistible. He and
his wife would leave elated by the thought of what they could
now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family. They knew
they had a host of new friends; it seemed they had known these
strangers always. They had seen miracles, and one was to come to
them. They had visioned the Great Reality -- their loving and
All Powerful Creator.
Now, this house will
hardly accommodate its weekly visitors, for they number sixty or
eighty as a rule. Alcoholics are being attracted from far and
near. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to
be present. A community thirty miles away has fifteen fellows of
Alcoholics Anonymous. Being a large place, we think that some
day its Fellowship will number many hundreds. [NOTE:
Written in 1939.]
But life among Alcoholics
Anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting
hospitals. Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family
differences, explaining the disinherited son to his irate
parents, lending money and securing jobs for each other, when
justified -- these are everyday occurrences. No one is too
discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially -- if
he means business. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and
jealousies -- these are laughed out of countenance. Being
wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one
God, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others, the
things which matter so much to some people no longer signify
much to them. How could they?
Under only slightly
different conditions, the same thing is taking place in many
eastern cities. In one of these there is a well-know hospital
for the treatment of alcoholic and drug addiction. Six years ago
one of our number was a patient there. Many of us have felt, for
the first time, the Presence and Power of God within its walls.
We are greatly indebted to the doctor in attendance there, for
he, although it might prejudice his own work, has told us of his
belief in ours.
Every few days this
doctor suggests our approach to one of his patients.
Understanding our work, he can do this with an eye to selecting
those who are willing and able to recover on a spiritual basis.
Many of us, former patients, go there to help. Then, in this
eastern city, there are informal meetings such as we have
described to you, where you may now see scores of members. There
are the same fast friendships, there is the same helpfulness to
one another as you find among our western friends. There is a
good bit or travel between East and West and we foresee a great
increase in this helpful interchange.
Some day we hope that
every alcoholic who journeys will find a Fellowship of
Alcoholics Anonymous at his destination. To some extent this is
already true. Some of us are salesmen and go about. Little
clusters of twos and threes and fives of us have sprung up in
other communities, through contact with our two larger centers.
Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can. This practice
enables us to lend a hand, at the same time avoiding certain
alluring distractions of the road, about which any travelling
man can inform you. [NOTE: Written in 1939. As of
1976, there are almost 28,000 groups in over 90 countries with
an estimated membership of over 1,000,000.]
Thus we grow. And so can
you, though you be but one man with this book in your hand. We
believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.
We know what you are
thinking. You are saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I
couldn't do that." But you can. You forget that you have just
now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To
duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only
a matter of willingness, patience and labor.
We know of an A.A. member
who was living in a large community. He had lived there but a
few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more
alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. This
was only a few days ago at this writing. (1939) The authorities
were much concerned. He got in touch with a prominent
psychiatrist who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the
mental health of the community. The doctor proved to be able and
exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the
situation. So he inquired, what did our friend have on the ball?
Our friend proceeded to
tell him. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a
test among his patients and certain other alcoholics from a
clinic which he attends. Arrangements were also made with the
chief psychiatrist of a large public hospital to select still
others from the stream of misery which flows through that
institution.
So our fellow worker will
soon have friends galore. Some of them may sink and perhaps
never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than
half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics
Anonymous. When a few men in this city have found themselves,
and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life
again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has
had his opportunity to recover -- if he can and will.
Still you may say: "But I
will not have the benefit of contact with you who wrote this
book." We cannot be sure. God will determine that, so you must
remember that your real reliance is always upon Him. He will
show you how to create the fellowship you crave. [NOTE:
Alcoholics Anonymous will be glad to hear from you. Address P.O.
Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, N.Y. 10017]
Our book is meant to be
suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will
constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your
morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is
still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in
order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't
got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and
great events will come to pass for you and countless others.
This is the Great Fact for us.
Abandon yourself to God
as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your
fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of
what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the
Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as
you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
May God bless you and
keep you -- until then.
In 1992, with over 96,000
groups, with A.A. activity in 134 countries.
In 1992, one-third are
women; about one-fifth, 30 and under.
* In 1992, A.A. is
composed of approximately 96,000 groups.
* Fully explained in
Appendix II of the complete Big Book
* For amplification --
see Appendix II
* Please be sure to read
Appendix II on "Spiritual Experience", in the complete Big Book.
* Written in 1939, when
there were few women in A.A., this chapter assumes that the
alcoholic in the home is likely to be the husband. But many of
the suggestions given here may be adapted to help the person who
lives with a woman alcoholic -- whether she is still drinking or
is recovering in A.A. A further source of help is noted on page
121.
The fellowship of Al-Anon
Family Groups was formed about thirteen years after this chapter
was written. Though it is entirely separate from Alcoholics
Anonymous, it uses the general principles of the A.A. program as
a guide for husbands, wives, relatives, friends, and others
close to alcoholics. The foregoing pages (though addressed only
to wives) indicate the problems such people may face. Alateen,
for teen-aged children of alcoholics, is a part of Al-Anon. If
there is no Al-Anon listing in your local telephone book, you
may obtain further information on Al- Anon Family Groups by
writing to its World Service Office: Box 862, Midtown Station,
New York, NY 10018-0862
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