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Here are the steps we took: 9) Made direct amends to such
people wherever possible, possible except when to do so would injure them or
others.
That is what the authors of the Big Book
and millions before you did. To personalize the step for your study and
action in the here and now, however, you may wish to rephrase it as:
STEP NINE. Make
direct amends to the people you have harmed except when to do so would injure
them or others.
READING FOR STEP NINE
| Big Book:
| Chapter 6, Into Action.
|
|
| From: Page 82, line 17 Thru: Page 84, line 15.
|
| 12&12:
| Step 9 |
Our experience with Step Nine prompts us to emphasize four ideas
about this step.
1. Token amends will not do! Just what is an
amend? Here is what our trusty dictionary says:
|
a-mend :(uh
mend') v. .
|
|
v.t.
|
|
2. to change for the
better; improve.
|
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3. to remove or correct
faults in; rectify.
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|
v.i. <
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4. to grow or become
better by reforming oneself. |
Later in this
document you will see an extraction of words and phrases that the authors of the
Big Book used to describe what they meant by the word amend. Their true meaning,
while including the definition above, is more like the synonyms for the word,
rectify:
|
rectify : v.
|
|
1. right, set right, put
right, make right, correct, adjust, regulate, straighten, square; focus,
attune; mend, amend, emend, fix, repair, revise; remedy, redress, cure,
reform. |
One might even use the definition of
the word, "repair", to express their meaning:
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re-pair :[1] (ri
pâr') -paired, -pair-ing . v.t.
|
|
1. to restore to a good
or sound condition after decay or damage; mend.
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2. to restore or renew.
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3. to remedy; make up
for; compensate for. |
Extracted words and phrases as examples of
"amends":
|
BB
= the Big Book of A.A., Alcoholics Anonymous
12&12 = Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
|
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SELF
CORRECTION
...sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of
our effort to live on self-will.
[BB, page
76, line 22]
...demonstration of good
will [BB, page 77, line 13]
...sweep off our side of the street [BB, page 77, line 32]
...sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we
now see it. [BB, page 83, line 2]
...We clean house with the family...
[BB, page 83, line 7]
...asking each morning in meditation that our
Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.
[BB, page 83, line 8]
...The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to
live it.. [BB, page 83, line 11]
...Our behavior will convince them more than
our words. [BB, page 83, line 15]
...There may be some wrongs we can never fully
right. [BB, page 83, line 19]
...Some people cannot be seen—we send them an honest
letter. [BB, page 83, line 22]
...We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and
humble without being servile or scraping. [BB, page 83, line 25]
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|
RESTITUTION
...repair the damage [we have] done
in the past. [BB, page 76, line 21]
...set right the wrong [BB, page 77, line 12]
...straighten out the past [BB,
page 77, line 32]
...arranging the best
deal...[of repayment]...we can [BB, page
78, line 21]
...reparations
[BB, page 79, line 5]
...sent...money [BB,
page 79, line 29]
...willing to go to
jail [BB, page 79, line 30]
...make a public statement [BB, page 80, line 15]
...[make]...good to the wife or parents [BB, page 82, line 19]
...reconstruction [BB, page 83,
line 1]
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APOLOGY
...confessing our former ill feeling
[BB, page 77, line 27]
...expressing our regret [BB,
page 77, line 27]
...we let these
people know we are sorry [BB, page 78, line
21]
...admitting faults [BB, page 79, line 28]
...admit our fault [BB, page 81,
line 21]
...asking forgiveness
[BB, page 79, line 28]
...A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't
fill the bill at all. [BB, page 83, line
2]
|
2. Don't rush into amends without guidance. You can mess up
yourself and others unless the best judgment is used. And, when we are new to
sobriety, our judgment is often not so swift. Please read again the words we
offered for Step Eight, which is the planning of your amendment
step.
3. Your amends must never harm others. Both of the books
make clear that we cannot seek atonement at the expense of others. Be especially
careful not to implicate or injure other people in your
wrong-doing.
4. Don't forget to take the hidden step–forgiveness.
You will recall that in Step Four you listed the people who had harmed you
as part of your resentment matrix. None of the steps emphasizes sufficiently
that the ultimate process of resentment eradication (and they must be wiped out)
is forgiveness of those we resent. If you have not yet cleaned up your
resentments, finish them off in Step Nine. It then becomes the double-edged
sword that cuts you free from all harms done by you and to you.
There is
a difference between being forgiven and forgiving, however. Our amends to those
we have harmed are made at our own initiative and directly to the person harmed,
whenever possible. On the other hand, when we are forgiving others, it is rarely
appropriate to approach them to let them know they are forgiven. Why?
- They might have no idea that we have resented them. After all, the
resentment is ours. Letting them in on our problem cannot do them any good,
and may cause them considerable hurt feelings or aggravation–even anger.
- We have been learning not to play God and to avoid ego-serving activities.
Approaching other to let them know they are forgiven would usually be thought
of as self-serving. This we avoid.
If, on the other hand, the
injuring party has let us know that they feel guilt about what they have done,
it can often be a true act of kindness to let them know they are off the hook as
far as we are concerned. We do this with true humility and compassion. We never
give the impression that they owe us something for our act of forgiveness. We
then try to treat them the way we want others to forgive us for our own
wrongs.
Some of our members believe that the other side of the
forgiveness coin, that we are forgiven for our transgressions, is a necessary
goal of Step 9. There is no need at all that we be forgiven by the person we
have harmed after we make an amend. If they choose to tell us we are forgiven,
that is a fine gesture–one we might cherish. However, the real goal here is that
you cease to know guilt stemming from your prior acts or omissions. The removal
of guilt is the exclusive domain of your spiritual power.
On your way.
Your Step 9 can last from several weeks to many years. Start it when you
have finished step 8 and are told to do so. Continue until you are done.
PROMISES OF STEP NINE Here are the 20 promises
starting at the bottom of page 83 in the Big Book. Some people think these are
the only promises the Big Book makes. Little do they realize that each step has
a set of promises, and that there are many more besides. There are even a few
guarantees. Drop us a line if you have found the 173 promises and guarantees in
the Big Book that we have found.
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If we are painstaking about this phase of
our development,
-
we will be amazed before we are half
way through.
-
We are going to know a new freedom
-
and a new happiness.
-
We will not regret the past
-
nor wish to shut the door on it.
-
We will comprehend the word serenity
and
-
we will know peace.
-
No matter how far down the scale we have
gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
-
That feeling of uselessness (will
disappear)
-
and self-pity will disappear.
-
We will lose interest in selfish
things and
-
(we will) gain interest in our
fellows.
-
Self-seeking will slip away.
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Our whole attitude and outlook upon life
will change.
-
Fear of people (will leave us) and
-
(fear) of economic insecurity will leave
us.
-
We will intuitively know how to handle
situations which used to baffle us.
-
We will suddenly realize that God is doing
for us what we could not do for ourselves.
-
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes
slowly.
-
They will always materialize if we
work for them. |
Writing: It would be a good idea to update your amendment plan (step
eight) when each amendment is done. Check it off. Make a note as to their
reaction. If an agreement was reached concerning further action on your part,
write it down. We even know one sponsor who keeps Step 8 lists of his step
partners on a computer (on an encrypted file for total privacy). Every month or
so, the list us made current.
The principle of Step 9
_______________________.
|
Taking Step
Nine |
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