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Alcoholics Unity Hall Anonymous |
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Here are the steps we took: 4) Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. That is what the authors of the Big Book and millions before you did. To personalize the step for your study and action in the here and now, however, you may wish to rephrase it as: STEP FOUR. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. READING FOR STEP FOUR
A written inventory. Between pages 64 and 71 you will discover at least 10 clear statements that your inventory is to be written. Please look them up now. Unless you are physically handicapped, there are no exceptions to a written inventory. Put aside your tape recorder, and get out your pen and paper. If you type with a high level of expertise and think freely at a key-board, your sponsor, however, might allow a typewriter or PC. But, remember that you are not writing the great American novel here. To do so would be a gross imposition upon the person with whom you will take your fifth step. Moreover, the thought of setting forth your life history completely misses the point. You are to write an inventory—not a narrative. And, what is an inventory? In 1939 Webster said it was, "...an itemized list of goods and valuables [stock or a person's qualities], with their estimated worth;..." The preferred synonym is LIST, and that's exactly what you are to do—write the list(s) outlined by the Big Book. A moral inventory.
It is clear that we are not counting possessions. Nor
are we really listing people, institutions, principles or, even, actions in
order to count them. We are seeking to illuminate the basis (or underlying
cause) of our actions. In other words, why do we resent the world the way we
do?
On the other hand, how can you avoid undue length? Leave out needless repetition of resentments, fears, wrongs, etc. when the associated character defect has already been revealed. If, for example, you resent smokers who blow smoke in your face, it is preferred that you do not list them all. An entry such as, "Sam Smoker and all the other inconsiderate boobs who blow smoke in my face.", should suffice. In a more serious vein, maybe you have known violence and have had many bloody fights. You will probably want to list the major protagonists, especially ones who have suffered severe injury at your hands, and enough experiences to illuminate the different provocations or seeming justifications that led to your fighting in the first place. It is also prudent to include persons to whom you expect you might be making amends in step nine. Warning! Besides protecting yourself from premature embarrassment or even incarceration due to unintended disclosure of your inventory, you should also avoid making amends without guidance. An intentional, but premature, disclosure as part of the mending process can also be very damaging—to you and others. Except for minor matters or exceptions you have discussed with your sponsor in advance, you should make your amends in step nine where they belong. When to start your inventory. The completion of Step 3 is described on page 63 of the Big Book. Notice that the very next paragraph says, Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action ... at once...[Big Book page 63, line 32 & page 64, line 3]In the early days of A.A. when a newcomer asked when he should begin his inventory, he was told, "When you want to stop hurting". When do you want to stop hurting? We will now show you how to divide the job up into simple pieces. Write the first column of list 1 today. It will take from 5 to 30 minutes. Don't big-deal yourself into inaction. How many lists? The Big Book mentions five (maybe four) distinct lists. Each of these lists is discussed in more detail below. If you have a pressing need to add additional information, or if your sponsor suggests further material, go for it.
Writing: Step 4a, RESENTMENTS, columns #1 through #3.
Column #1 is the WHO column. Who is the person, or what is the institution or principle that you resent? A resentment is a negative feeling more intense than dislike and less violent than anger. Resentment is often referred to as smoldering anger, and the list should include both those you resent and those with whom you are angry (or even hate, which is more intense yet). In this first column, just list the name of the person, institution or principle. Next, rearrange the list so that the names are ranked from the least resentment at the top to the most intense resentment at the bottom. If you have more than fifty items, you probably have too many. Ten may be too few. It would be a good idea to get together with your selected fifth step person at this point to see if you are on track. There is another reason for the contact. Making up the list is not a major undertaking. It can usually be done in several hours. By breaking the 4a list up into columns, you will not be intimidated nor held back with the perception that the inventory step has to be a big deal.
Column #2 is the WHAT column. This is called the "Cause" column on page 65. It describes briefly just what the resented party did that triggered your resentment. It does not describe how you reacted to their action. The example in the Big Book seems to be pretty clear. Expand what you began when you filled in the WHO column. Where they (the source of your resentment) performed multiple actions, put in as many as will provide the needed learning experience. It will probably be necessary to rewrite the entire list, because you will need more lines to amplify the reasons.
Again, it is a good idea to consult with your sponsor after you have filled in the whys for the first 4 or 5 items. Figuring these triggers out is no easy task. Writing: Step 4b. Faults. This list can be treated as a fourth column of the resentment list. What the book says is, The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them.[Big Book page 67, line 21]Remember, the Resentment List (Step 4a) deals primarily with people, institutions and principles that you resent. Usually, your resentment is based upon a wrong you believe was done to you. The fourth column identifies your own part in causing the injury to yourself and to others as well. If you choose not to make it part of the resentment list, then make up a separate list, showing the name of the person resented and where you were also wrong.
Writing: Step 4c. Fears. Create another list. You have already indicated on the resentment table some actions that cause you to react in fear. Skim through them and list the feared pattern. Add other things you fear even though you do not resent them.
If the injury has already been amended, as with the IRS in our example, it does not need to be included. You may also defer to step eight the willingness to amend your harm. In other words, document what you did, not what you are willing to do about it.
Evaluation. You have finished your written inventory. It wasn't nearly as big a task as others make it out to be, was it? But, you are not done with step 4. The Big Book is clear that you are now to review your lists, analyze what they mean, and learn something from what you have written. Your analysis will be reviewed in depth in step five, where we deal with the points introduced in the Big Book one-by-one. The principle of Step 4 is _______________________.
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